01.30

Work was pretty typical. When I got home, we went out to eat at Which Wich. I didn’t remember it being that expensive when we went in the past. My sandwich really wasn’t all that great.

Haven’t gone to the doctor about my head, and I am not planning on going at this point. I am going to try to make some lifestyle changes first and see how that does. So, here are the changes I am making:

1. Drink an adequate amount of water. I have seriously sucked at this.
2. Exercise. Just do it, at least a few times a week.
3. Cut out the Coke. I drink over 32 oz of Coke every day. That is embarrassing to admit, but it is a serious problem right now.
4. Eat healthier foods and smaller portions.

This kind of happened at a good time, because I am starting a diet tomorrow. Some other ladies in my mom’s group started something called a Diet Bet. It is through the website dietbetter.com. It was $25 per person, and anyone who loses 4% of their body weight in 28 days splits the pot.

Let me get really honest now… I weighed myself last night and the scale hit an all-time high. 195 pounds. For reference, I weighed 194 when I gave birth to my son.

What happened? Well, I breastfed for over a year and lost all the baby weight fairly easily & quickly. I actually was down to 150, 5 pounds less than I was pre-pregnancy. I had never exercised in my life, and those 500 calories I burned breastfeeding each day really helped me. Then… I stopped breastfeeding. The weight kept piling on, as I started drinking more and more Coke to make it through teaching each day and burned nothing. So, I went from 150 pounds in August 2013, to 195 today. In 18 months, I gained 45 pounds.

I have never gained weight like this before- this has been very different for me and also just devastating. I, for the most part, don’t take care of myself at all anymore. I just feel gross anyway. I felt fat before I was ever pregnant, when I weighed 155 pounds. I felt fat when I was 140, and 130… So 195 is just ridiculous to me. I avoid seeing my stomach in the mirror because it just disgusts me so much. I don’t mean to say that people who are bigger are not beautiful. In fact, I am so shocked when people say they hate their bodies! I always think they look great! But for me, this isn’t what I want to look like and my self-esteem is shot. It affects my mood toward my husband, my attitude toward pictures, everything. I remember a past when someone could take a picture of me and I could look at it and smile! I want that back.

Okay, so I have 4 weeks to lose 4%. That is 7.8 pounds, which means I will need to weigh 187.2 at the end of February. Still big, but it is a start. My long term goal is to get back to 155. We will see….

*If you want to join the diet bet with me, comment to let me know and I will add you to the group! It starts tomorrow!

01.29

In December, I got a very intense migraine that affected my vision temporarily. For about an hour, everything was blurry. It happened again a week or two later. Since the first migraine, I have gotten migraines 3-4 times a week. It has become my new normal.

Today, I had a migraine. I also am on my period and have a head cold, so whatever. I felt like shit to start with is what I am getting at.

Anyway, I went to a meeting and during the meeting I turned my head to check the time and suddenly a sharp, stabbing pain hit my temple. It was very intense, and I started crying (awesome, right?). Everyone in the room FREAKED out. They were asking me if I wanted ice or water or whatever, but I wasn’t listening. Then after about 30 seconds of intense pain, it subsided. I said, “I am fine. I’m fine…” but by then people had already gotten an assistant principal and the clinic aide. Then the other AP showed up and finally the principal.

Everyone else leaves the room, and now it is me and 4 people freaking out about me. And I am embarrassed and just want to go get my class and go about my day. One AP is telling someone to call my husband, and telling me to leave for the day. Another is asking me for my PCP. The clinic aide is taking my blood pressure. And thankfully the principal is wayyyy more relaxed. She says I can go lay down on the couch in her office and it is my call if I want to stay or go.

I decide to stay, and then the rest of the day everyone is all over me about not taking my health seriously and “Why are you here?!” and etc. I felt like they were being alarmists and overreacting. Lots of people suffer from migraines. Now, what happened during the meeting was a little different, but I think it could easily be my cold combined with my very heavy period that just caused a sudden onset migraine?

01.28

My day was a true practice in positive parenting. Well, teaching.

To put it in polite (and purposefully vague) terms a student in my class had a really bad day today. And we all suffered.

Oh, and we had a major writing test for 2.5 hours in the morning.

And I started my period.

So work was basically crap. I did get to teach about fractions at the end of the day because crazy kid isn’t in my math group. I love teaching fractions!

Noah is sick (boo) and I didn’t bother him with pictures today. Poor thing. I am sleeping with him tonight because I don’t want him alone & coughing. 😦

01.27

I am so excited about all that Noah is learning & doing! When I came home from work today, he sang Baa Baa Black Sheep to me. I don’t sing that, and I have never heard him sing it. Later on in the day, I started singing the ABCs and he finished the entire song! What?! He is definitely experiencing some leaps, and I think his extra sleep time is really helping him!

While playing with Peppa Pig & family today, he asked me to build them a house. I did. Then, he asked me to build them a couch. He said, “You build couch and I build chair same time, Mommy.” When I finished my couch, he showed me the little chair he built. We have never made furniture for the houses we have built, so just him thinking of the idea was awesome. It was even more awesome seeing the chair he built, which actually looked like a chair! Then he asked me to build them a TV. The end result…

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Later, he asked for all of Peppa’s family to get pictures.

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And then of course he wanted one of the two of us. Which is all just funny, because he hates when anyone takes his picture, unless it is a selfie of both of us! 

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01.26

My son is the sweetest toddler I have ever encountered.

I don’t say that to sound conceited. If it were your toddler, I would say the same thing. I am literally amazed at the kind, gentle heart he shows every day.

I will just use bedtime as an example…

Noah started out in our bed. Slowly, he moved to a sidecar attached to our bed, then a toddler bed next to our bed, then a toddler bed on the other side of our room. Next was a toddler bed in his own room, and finally a full size bed in his own room. Throughout all of that slow, steady progression we have been there for him. If he cried out in the middle of the night, Mommy or Daddy was immediately at his side. When he was ready for sleep, we would rock him, walk around with him, nurse him. He had only fallen asleep outside of our arms a handful of times, up until this month.

When we went to Josh’s parents’ house for Christmas, we shared a room. He came into bed with us each night. It changed our norms. When we got back home, he was sick and the weather was cold enough that our heat pump couldn’t keep up on its own, so we had to use our electric heater in his room. He has the master bedroom, so we blew up an air mattress and stayed in there with him. Slowly, Josh moved back to our room… but I stayed. I had noticed that Noah was starting to fall asleep on his own when given the opportunity. He could fall asleep on his own if he woke up at night, simply by hearing me say, “Go back to sleep, baby.”

It made me consider that he was able to sleep on his own. That he didn’t need our help any longer. We weren’t expecting this until closer to age 3, but the signs all seemed to point to his readiness. I moved out of his room, and basically explained to him that he can sleep on his own, and if he wakes up he should go back to sleep. We did a lot of social stories about this with Noah, and also role-played with his Peppa Pig toys. It was apparent that he understood.

We started last Friday. I would be lying if I said he didn’t cry. I would be lying if I said I didn’t cry. Josh told me I should go get him. Everything in me wanted to do that, but I knew that he knew what to do. I knew he had the skills, and that he was okay. He cried for a solid 25 minutes that first night, and then I went in his room and he immediately stopped and started talking gibberish about Peppa Pig. I re-explained what he was supposed to do, and he said okay, and I left. And he didn’t cry.

We went on like this for a week. Night 2 he cried for 10 minutes. Night 3 was 5. Night 4 was less than 30 seconds. And now, he doesn’t cry at all. Now, remember, he isn’t locked in. He sleeps in a full-size bed that he is fully capable of climbing in and out of, and he is also capable of opening the door.  He just doesn’t.

So anyway, back to the sweetness. I have been reading books to him before bed and when I finish reading and tell him goodnight, he is as sweet as pie. He gives me a kiss, tells me goodnight and that he loves me, and says he will see me tomorrow. I leave the room, and he actually goes to sleep. And-get this- ever since he started falling asleep on his own, he doesn’t wake up crying at all. If he wakes up, he goes back to sleep!

I am just amazed that he doesn’t hate me for making him do this. He is calm and relaxed throughout the bedtime routine. I will give the disclaimer, that if he had stayed upset when I walked in on night 1, rather than immediately stopped and started a conversation, I wouldn’t have continued. But I know my kid, and I know that he isn’t stressed or upset. Those first couple nights of crying were really just that he wasn’t sure what to do there all by himself. Once he figured it out, he was totally comfortable with it.

If only you could bottle up this time!!! I will miss these days SO much!

01.25

We went to church this morning. I serve at the 9 AM service and we usually attend the 5 PM service.  Noah goes to both and seriously loves it.

We go to an amazing church. If we ever move to Orlando (that is the goal), I will be really sad to leave this church. I know there are similar churches there, but we have been going to the same church (although at 3 different campuses) for 5 years.

They make things amazing for the kids, students, adults… It is just all-around WELL done.

Anyway, between the two services Noah took a nap. I have been teaching him to go to sleep on his own. For his nap, I said the same thing I have been saying after reading three books: “It is time to go to sleep. I am going to sleep in my bed, and you are going to sleep in your bed. I love you! See you later!” Today, he responded, “Thank you, Mommy. I love you. Goodnight!” Heart MELTED.

This evening, after the 5:00 service ended, he got a bath. Annnnnd pooped in the tub.That has only happened once before, so I guess I can’t complain.

Here are some pics I took pre-poop.

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